Rant Review: Conan the Barbarian: The Original Marvel Years Omnibus vol 9

I've been buying all of the omnibus collections Marvel has published since reacquiring (and since relinquishing) the Conan license, and enjoyed all of them, to one degree or another. Volume 9 may seem like an odd place to begin reviewing this series, but I've seen very few reviews of this book online, so I figured I'd contribute one to help anyone who may be on the fence about this one to decide whether or not it's worth adding to their collection. 

We're nearly at the finish line, but there's a rather sizeable stumbling block in the way. But just how high is that hurdle? The issues reprinted in this volume have a reputation as the absolute nadir of the entire original Marvel run of Conan, so I was interested to read them for the first time to see just how bad things got. The book is fairly strong as it kicks off, with Val Semeiks continuing his run, now co-plotting with Charles Santino. These stories are all single issue adventures depicting Conan as an unstoppable force, charging ahead relentlessly as he deals with any obstacles in his path in the most direct manner possible. These issues are fast-paced and action-packed, with energetic art by Semeiks and the legendary Alfredo Alcala providing appropriately detailed and hard-edged visuals. My favorites are #215, in which a group of Turanian soldiers very quickly learn the perils of trying to take a Cimmerian captive; #218, which follows Conan's battle for survival on a small island populated by hostile visitors; and #219, which relates Conan's efforts to escape a city on horseback. These stories are fun reads, and very entertaining, but I wouldn't want an extended run of such short, disconnected stories.

Then, we get an extended run of such short, disconnected stories, as the Semeiks/Santino team leave the book, and the editors burn through a bunch of inventory issues. We get stories by Larry Hama, Don Perlin, Michael Fleisher, and Gerry Conway. Most of these are decent stories that neither excel nor offend, though I found Conway's trio of two-parters rather tiresome. Hama's pair of done-in-one stories were probably my favorites from this batch, with "Drum Song," a tale of Conan's pirate days narrated in verse, a particular standout. There is some nice art to be found among these issues, including one fully illustrated by Alcala. Still, I was ready for the series to have some sense of direction again long before I reached the end of these short, mostly single issue tales.

That new direction kicked off in issue #232, and I wanted to slap myself for willingly inflicting this calamity on my battered psyche. "The New Conan," as it was billed, travels to a time prior to the legendary Cimmerian's birth, and covers the years leading up to his Marvel debut back in 1970. Writer Michael Higgins and Jim Lee contribute a very nice cover evoking the beloved BWS style, and the run peaks right there. Bad comics can be fun-- witness the gut-bustingly funny trainwreck of Batman: Odyssey, for example-- but these are just bad in all the right ways to make them painful to slog through. A prime example is their depiction of the siege of Venarium, a legendary event in the Hyborian world, one which showed all of the "civilized" kingdoms that the Cimmerians were NOT TO BE MESSED WITH. Here, it's reduced to a magical mishap in which the Cimmerians are barely a factor. This is emblematic of this run's poor understanding of Conan's world, not to mention the man himself. The first four issues have art by Ron Lim, and his style is really not a good fit for Conan and his world. The art improves after he leaves, particularly with #236's Rodney Ramos/Alfredo Alcala team-up, and we get a couple of very nice covers by Mike Mignola. Even so, these issues are tough to get through. Sales must not have been good, as this "bold new direction" was euthanized by a returning Roy Thomas after just nine issues. He wraps it up and accounts for its various problems in about the best way possible, setting the stage for his series-finale run, collected in the next volume.

There isn't much in the way of bonus material, but that's hardly surprising, so late in the run. The introductions are the main draw on that front, and they offer a few nice tidbits. The intro by Higgins is particularly interesting, revealing some of the thinking behind the "young Conan" run. I recommend this book for big Conan fans, but only if you can get it at a significant discount, or borrow it from your local library. Just be aware going in that you're not getting the series at its best, adjust your expectations accordingly, and you'll find some fun material among the dreck.

I'm currently working my way through volume 10, and enjoying it quite a bit more. I'll probably whip up a review about it as well, once I'm done with it. I may go back and review the earlier volumes, if there's any demand for it. Everyone take care, and I'll see you next time!

The 007 Re-Read Project: For Special Services by John Gardner

Then-new Bond continuation novelist John Gardner's 007 debut, License Renewed, had been a critical and commercial success, and he sought to raise the stakes a bit with his follow-up novel. I remember enjoying this one quite a bit when I read it about 25 years ago, so I was interested to see how it would hold up. Grab hold of your martinis, and let's find out! As ever, I won't blow the entire plot, but there are  

SPOILERS AHEAD!

After assisting the SAS in foiling a string of violent mid-air plane robberies, James Bond finds himself summoned to M's office. He finds M sitting with an attractive young woman who seems oddly familiar. M introduces her as Cedar Leiter, the daughter of his old friend Felix! Flabbergasted, Bond sits to listen to the mission briefing. A scrap of paper found on the body of an FBI agent in the swamps of Louisiana indicates the existence of a resurgent SPECTRE, led by someone calling themselves Blofeld. Bond is sure it can't possibly be his old nemesis Ernst Stavro Blofeld-- with some justification, as even in the often comic book-esque world of 007, Blofeld received just about as definitive a death as possible-- but either way, a revived SPECTRE in any form is a threat to be taken seriously. And Bond, of course, has a personal interest in unmasking this new Blofeld.

The trail leads to Markus Bismaquer, an immensely wealthy (former?) Nazi sympathizer who has built his own private city in the middle of the desert in the American west, complete with a full-scale replica of Tara from Gone with the Wind. The dead FBI agent whose body yielded the SPECTRE clue, along with several other agents, had been sent to investigate suspicious activity at Bismaquer's compound. Bond and Cedar ingratiate themselves with Bismaquer and infiltrate his compound. They meet Bismaquer's wife, Nena, and his Smithers, Walter Luxor. In a shocking turn of events, Nena quickly falls for Bond, and warns him of the imminent danger they face. As for Luxor, Bond quickly begins to suspect that he may actually be the head of SPECTRE, rather than Bismaquer. Bond and Cedar investigate both of their prime suspects, and attempt to uncover SPECTRE's plan, as the rest of SPECTRE's top-level members begin to arrive for a meeting that will surely signal its initiation. And unbeknownst to Bond, Blofeld has reserved a key role in their plot just for him...

 One of the biggest issues with this novel is its pacing. There's a sizeable section early on that sees Bond and Cedar masquerading as a professor and his wife who have uncovered extremely rare prints in a bid to attract Bismaquer's attention. A group of extremely generic thugs hassle them, leading to a tussle and a halfway decent death trap. This entire section of the novel is so inconsequential that it seems to have been included solely to pad out the page count. The prints serve as a method to get into Bismaquer's compound, but that could have been easily achieved without wasting several chapters. Bond's cover identity is so useless that he just ditches it after the second thug attack, and things proceed just fine. At least when Gardner brings the leader of the thugs back later in the novel he serves a more important purpose. 

Once we're in the compound, there's quite a bit of standing around and talking, but there's nearly always a sense of things moving forward. Personally, I found it impossible not to read Bismaquer's dialogue in the voice of the Rich Texan from The Simpsons! Whether that's an asset or a hindrance depends on your own sensibilities. Bismaquer is easily one of the chummiest of Bond villains, and several scenes lend credence to Bond's suspicion that it may be Luxor who is actually leading SPECTRE. Luxor has a pretty interesting appearance and background, and he serves as the antagonist in the novel's best action setpiece. I found the revelation of the new Blofeld pretty satisfying, along with the identity of the person who helped Bond near the novel's end. Both reveals defy expectations in a very interesting manner, though the new Blofeld is sadly dispatched far too abruptly. 

There is one more thing that simply has to be addressed, and that is the character of Cedar Leiter. There's nothing really problematic about the concept itself, though it may age Felix a bit more than many readers would like. The real problem is the constant effort to force a romance between the two, though Bond does vehemently resist it. Still, even though the novel itself acknowledges how inappropriate and downright creepy it would be for Bond to have a sexual fling with the daughter of his best friend, it ends with a situation that seems guaranteed to lead there, anyway. It's nice to see Felix himself appear at the end, but the whole "gift of a daughter" thing is just stomach-churning. Even in 1982, this had to seem pretty fucked up, right?

Notable Quotes:

 "The Silver Beast" was the nickname members of the service had given to Bond's personal car-- the Saab 900 Turbo: his own property, with the special technology built into it at his expense. Jibes about it being Bond's "toy" received only a polite smile from 007; and he knew that Major Boothroyd, the Armourer, had constantly sniffed around the machine in an attempt to discover all its secrets: the hidden compartments, tear gas ducts, and new refinements recently built into the bullet-proofed vehicle. 

(The Silver Beast was a beloved part of the Gardner Bonds, and I love the idea of Q having a bit of professional jealousy over Bond having it modified elsewhere on his own dime!)

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   Bond did not blush, even though "gentlemen" was scarcely a word ladies used to describe him. 

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 "To be honest with you, Bond... if it wasn't for that predatory Nena woman, I'd put Bismaquer down as a faggot."

"Right the first time," Bond said.

"Lawks-a-mercy." Cedar  gave a satisfied smirk as they turned into Tara's main drive. "I'se sick, Mizz Scarlet, I'se sick." 

(Notable for all the wrong reasons. This one has several layers of "HOLY SHIT!" packed into it. Product of its time, and all that, and people can bitch about things today being "too PC" or "woke" all they want, but I'm still glad we don't commonly see exchanges like this in our entertainment these days.)

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This novel didn't hold up as well as its predecessor, and certainly not to my memories of reading it when I was a teen back in the late '90s, but I did find plenty to enjoy within its pages. The possibility of the Cedar romance is problematic, and I could hardly believe the quote above when I read it, but that is the novel at its absolute worst. You have to keep the context of the time in which the novel was published in mind when you read one of these, and enjoy it based on its merits despite things that stand out in a negative way. Not everyone can do that, and that's okay, but this is definitely one to skip if you can't compartmentalize certain elements of it in that way. If you can, however, give this one a read. The problematic bits don't come close to overwhelming the good bits. It's not one of the best Bonds, but it's well worth a read. It's also worth noting that this new version of SPECTRE sticks around for awhile, so the novel does have a long-term impact on the series. Next time, we'll be looking at another one I remember really enjoying, Icebreaker! Hopefully it'll hold up a bit better. See you then!

The 007 Re-Read Project: On His Majesty's Secret Service by Charlie Higson

So... it's been quite a bit longer than the couple of weeks I'd planned for. I won't go into detail, because that's really not what this blog is for, but let's just say that real life got in the way. After losing my dad early last year, in particular, it was pretty difficult to care about things like updating my blog. Recently, however, I've been feeling that itch again, so I'm back to do a bit of scratching. Admittedly, this post is a bit of a cheat, as this book is only a few months old, and I'm reading it for the first time. To help me ease back into the habit, however, I figure it gets a pass. Plus, this'll keep everyone from having to wait years for me to re-read it to give it eligibility! 

Charlie Higson, no stranger to the world of James Bond, was asked to write his first adult 007 novel to compliment the coronation of King Charles III, with the proceeds going to the National Literacy Trust. Bond is put on the tail of Aethelstan of Wessex, a wealthy eccentric who claims to be the true king of England, and aims to disrupt the coronation. Raising the stakes is the discovery of the dead body of 009, who had previously been sent on the same mission. Time is short, and Aethelstan is sure to be on high alert after discovering 009's infiltration of his organization. Bond must contend with a gaggle of wealthy lunatics who have bought into Aethelstan's cause, an army of mercenaries, and the enigmatic Ragnheidur, the requisite femme fatale of the novel. 

The novel is definitely among the shortest Bonds-- Higson was given only three weeks to complete it-- and it feels a bit condensed, as Higson does his best to fit in as many of the expected scenarios as possible. It's still a rather scaled-down adventure compared to what we normally get, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Most of the characters are rather bland, and the main villain is a particular disappointment, which is surely a consequence of the novel's accelerated creation. Bond himself rings true, which is unsurprising, given Higson's prior experience with the character. (Albeit at a different stage of his life!) Ragnheidur is easily the most memorable supporting character, and I would welcome her presence in a subsequent Bond adventure, however unlikely that seems. The Budapest setting is quite nice, too, though we don't get to spend much time immersed in the local atmosphere before the story becomes barricaded within Aethelstan's castle for much of its length.

As the novel is set in the present day, we have to endure references to social media, and a heaping pile of political discourse. It would be pretty damn tough to avoid politics, given the story's subject matter, but it may be a bit much for some readers, whether or not you agree with the views expressed. I didn't find this detrimental, but if you think it might bother you, be warned! There was an occasional line that just sounded odd, or out of character-- hearing M refer to blogging just doesn't seem right, 2023 setting or not-- though I feel many such idiosyncrasies would likely have been eliminated if the novel had been given more time to gestate. 

Notable quotes:

 Bond didn't like the codewords and acronyms that were increasingly creeping into the MI6 vocabulary. He felt they were designed to soften the reality of what they did. D37. Looked harmless. But it was a desperate thing. An emergency flare. A shout for help. A dying scream for your mother. No content. Just a digital blip that communicates when an agent has important information but knows they won't be able to parachute out with it. 

There was no acknowledgement that the English were outsiders, themselves... Why pick one small point in history? Why not try to put a Celt on the throne? Or go further back and put a Neanderthal there?

Bond hated fighting. If a fight started it meant all else had failed. It was a last resort. Fighting was painful and things got broken. If you did get into a fight, then you had to shut it down as fast as was humanly possible. 

 Working for the service had been the making of him but the ruin of him too. It had left him unfit to do anything else.  

Despite the shortcomings enumerated above-- and I truly do believe that most of them were due to the book being completed so quickly-- OHMSS is an engaging, if quick, read. I enjoyed my brief time with it, and I find myself hoping that Higson gets the go-ahead to write a full-length novel of the adult Bond very soon! That's all for today, but I'll be back soon to dive back into the Gardner Bonds with For Special Services. I won't pretend to know exactly when, but it definitely won't be another 21 month wait!