The 007 Re-Read Project: No Deals, Mr. Bond by John Gardner

Gardner's sixth James Bond novel concerns Bond's local grocer, who refuses to sell him anything for less than the full retail price, never running any sales or deals-- okay, I admit it, that's not quite accurate. Gardner's oddly-titled adventure does offer a plot that is at least as interesting, however, and while I never blow the whole story, there are

 SPOILERS AHEAD!

 

A pair of particularly gruesome murders are connected to an old mission Bond played a part in, Operation Cream Cake. CC was concerned with enlisting disturbingly young agents in a ploy to seduce and gather information from, and possibly turn, top Soviet intelligence figures. Now, five years after the mission was suddenly ended, someone is hunting down the agents involved, killing them in a manner guaranteed to send a message. M is unable to send anyone to help these agents in an official capacity, and he knows there is only one person who has a hope of pulling everyone's fat out of the fire. After a quick briefing and some time with the relevant files, Bond is on his way, but at least one of the people he intends to protect is not what they seem, and he soon realizes that M has withheld some vital information. As more players enter the game, the danger continues to escalate as the rules of the game keep changing. Amidst the intrigue, a shadow from his past reaches out to crush him for good!

Happily, this novel continues the upward trend established by the previous one. The plot allows for quite a lot of intrigue, and Gardner milks it for all it's worth. There are double crosses, but they're not overdone as in Icebreaker.  We get to visit a couple of locales rarely seen in Bond adventures, which is always nice. Bond's visit to Hong Kong nicely foreshadows (coincidentally, of course) Raymond Benson's debut as Bond's chronicler a decade later. There seem to be more supporting characters than usual, though some are rotated out as the story progresses. Reflecting on it now, I'm not really certain if there actually is a larger cast, or if it only seemed that way because Gardner made many of them more distinct than usual. 

The main villain is a pretty good one when judged on his own merits, just don't go comparing him with the likes of Drax or Goldfinger. He's definitely of the more realistic variety, and has strong ties to some of Bond's oldest nemeses. The death he devises for Bond makes for an exciting finale. One of the lead women, Heather Dare, has an appropriately Bondian name without slipping into self-parody, a balancing act that many writers have struggled with. The identity of the Cream Cake traitor is pretty easy to figure out, as there are a couple of tells as the story chugs along. The way Bond deals with the turncoat was surprisingly brutal. The moment is somewhat shocking as it shows the character with a much harder edge than Gardner often does, but by the time we reach that point of the story, I doubt anyone will argue that the traitor doesn't deserve it.

 At one point, it's casually mentioned that assassinations have been forbidden by the British Secret Service! Gardner already eliminated the Double-0 section in his 007 debut novel, and here he takes it one step further, rendering "007" merely what M insists on calling Bond. Given how the rest of the novel goes, however, it looks as if this change is basically ignored by Bond, at least on this unsanctioned mission. I don't recall this affecting Gardner's future Bond novels, but I barely remember anything from them, so I reckon we'll see as I proceed!

Notable Quotes:

"Make someone a damn good husband, 007." The clear grey eyes showed no apology for mentioning marriage, a topic people who knew Bond well steered clear of, and had done since the untimely death of his bride at the hands of SPECTRE.

Bond ignored his chief's lack of taste and began to attack his fish with the skill of a surgeon. 

(M really seems to be going out of his way to be a massive prick here, especially considering the whopping big favor he's about to ask Bond for!)

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Violent death is easier to gaze upon in reality than when captured for ever by the camera.

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"I wish to see Ms. Dare," said Bond, giving her his patently insincere smile.

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"Bit of an irony, isn't it? The Soviets having their Embassy in Orwell Road, and building a forest of communications hardware on top of it."

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Bond was deeply suspicious of rugs. (WTF?!? This is never elaborated on. The only thing I can think of that makes any sort of sense is that he thinks they may conceal trapdoors.)

 

Clunky title aside, I enjoyed No Deals, Mr. Bond quite a bit. Gardner keeps things moving at a good pace, and another twist or action setpiece is always just around the corner. It's a rock solid spy thriller. After finishing it, the biggest negative that sticks in my mind is a weird line where Gardner mentions Bond kissing a woman on both ears, the logistics of which seem pretty awkward to me. If something silly like that is the biggest gripe I have with a book, we're in good shape! That's it for today, but I'll be back next week with a look at Scorpius!